Christmas Wrapping.

Ah, Christmastime. Department stores blast heinously over-played jingles, radio stations refuse to play anything but carols for the entire month of December. Singers further commercialize themselves by churning out “holiday” albums filled with souped-up versions of seasonal standards. Does Christmas music make you want to gag? Listen to these eight songs and think again.

River – Joni Mitchell
Joni recounts the ways corporations bastardize the holiday’s true meaning. It’s the only Christmas song she’s ever released, and needless to say, it’s brilliant.

I Won’t Be Home For Christmas – Blink-182
The pop-punkers get violent on a group of pesky albeit well-intentioned carolers and spend Christmas night in jail. Merry indeed.

Jingle Bells – Barbara Streisand
What happens when a record label forces a nice Jewish girl, like Babs, to crank out a song in the Christmas spirit? She takes the reindeer by the horns and comes up with an endearingly theatrical, thoroughly entertaining track like this.

Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt
Hands down the sexiest song ever written about the bearded man in red. It’s feminine, alluring, and cute as hell. I don’t think anyone is immune to its charm.

This Christmas (Please Come Home) – Death Cab For Cutie
A really good Death Cab song is warm, earnest and sincere. Ben Gibbard’s voice is ripe with genuine emotion on this beautifully simple song, which easily falls amongst their best.

The Christians and the Pagans – Dar Williams
A conservative Christian man is visited by his lesbian niece and her partner for Christmas dinner. They’re able to put aside their differences on this heartfelt, intelligent song.

Jesus Walks – Kanye West
If one song could make this apathetic atheist pine for a seat in the church pew, this would be it. “They say you can rap about everything except for Jesus / that means guns, sex, lies, videotapes / but if I talk about God my record won’t get played.” Kanye takes Christianity to the streets with fervent soul.

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) – John Lennon
To John, Christmas is a time of hope for a peaceful future. The bittersweet ditty rings more relevant than ever.

Review: Monsters Of Folk - Monsters Of Folk

Forget Locking Your Closet: 

These 'Monsters' Ain't Scaring Nobody.

(From L-R: Oberst, Mogis, Ward, James)

On paper, Monsters Of Folk sounds supremely awesome. A "supergroup" consisting of the biggest names in twenty-first century folk music: My Morning Jacket's Jim James, whose sweet tenor melts like maple syrup over his group's alternative country-tinged tracks; Bright Eyes' prolific lyricist and vocalist Conor Oberst, plus multi-instrumentalist Mike Mogis; and lastly, indie singer/songwriter M. Ward, who wields his acoustic axe with purpose and plays with notable attention to detail. Unfortunately, this album suffers a nasty bout of lazy lyricism and even lazier production. While Oberst lays off the warbly affectation, one can't help but miss the stripped-down sincerity of his solo work. The overuse of reverb and echo distract from the group's masterful harmonies. Oberst's Dylanesque musings are MIA: instead, listeners are subjected to choruses full of "la la la's". The Monsters' real accomplishment is the instrumentation - a carefully concocted soufflé of skillful strumming, finger-picking and delicate solos. Props to Master Chef, M. Ward. While MOF makes for elegant aural wallpaper, the record left me wishing these folkies would put down the pipe and stop folkin' around.

Grade: B-/C+

Key Tracks: Say Please, Magic Marker

Reviving the Long-Lost Art of the Music Video

GaGa embraces the occult in her stunning "Bad Romance" video.

Music videos used to be a big deal. Back in the eighties, Michael Jackson and Madonna viewed videos as an extension of their music, an expansion of their art. Nowadays? Videos are all kind of garbage, either filled with half-naked chicks or pouty-faced, guitar-plunkin' morons. But get ready to have your socks blown off with Lady GaGa's killer vid for her brand new single "Bad Romance", off The Fame Monster, an upcoming deluxe edition of her debut, which features eight previously unreleased tracks. Part outrageously awesome dance routines and ridiculous avant-garde apparel - with a dash of eery Tim Burton-style goth thrown in for good measure - this video is where big-budget meets beauty. 

As GaGa crawls out of a coffin, she is faced with sexy cyborgs donning white-leather dominatrix suits in what appears to be an S&M crematorium. She's naked, bug-eyed, and sporting a wonderful red wig. Amidst a shit-ton of costume changes and legions of back-up dancers, GaGa always manages to shine supreme.

As for the song itself? Not nearly as catchy as her past singles. But it's the video that makes it fantastic. There's no doubt GaGa is the reigning Queen of Pop. And a fabulously freaky queen, at that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACm9yECwSso

The Faux-Feminism of Katy Perry & Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift and Katy Perry both write their own songs, have distinct voices, play guitar, and have become idols for millions of pre-teen and teen girls. And, of course, they’ve both been featured on the cover of that holiest of bibles for the American girl: Seventeen Magazine. But what is the key similarity between Swift and Perry? The inherently anti-feminist beliefs expressed in virtually all their songs.

Taylor Swift is the 19-year-old country crossover sensation, who strums an acoustic guitar encrusted with Swarovski crystals and wears her innocence like a crucifix. “You Belong With Me” is a triumph of girl-on-girl sexism. It’s a pathetic plea to Taylor’s dream boy, begging him to dump his girlfriend for the unpardonable sin of having a life outside pleasing this one dude.

Swift’s newest single “Fifteen” is even worse. Let’s take a look at the music video. It has Swift wandering around in a white dress, barefoot and doe-eyed, reminiscing about high school and her awesome BFF, Abigail. Their one bond seems to be that they both hate other girls who “think they’re so cool” (Really, Taylor, these are the best lyrics you could come up with?!) and that they both have boyfriends. In the video, we find Abigail out on a date. But, oh no, suddenly Boyfriend tries to take things too far! Abigail cannot take this assault on her purity and the relationship must end. Suddenly the CGI-animated raindrops start pouring down and everything looks gloomy. This is a world of purity rings and intact hymens - where only the worst sort of Lothario is less than satisfied with a chaste kiss from his future wife. While it is true that young women are often pressured to go further sexually than initially planned - it is also true that some girls want to go wherever those passionate kisses are leading. And that’s simply not a narrative that gets told here. Instead we receive the ole’ boys GET sex, girls GIVE sex. Taylor gloats, singing about how well things have worked out in her own life. Moral of the story? Girl who gets semi-sexual regrets it, girl who doesn’t get anything sexual ends up happy and accomplished.

Bi-curious pop-rocker Katy Perry presents a different, but equally troubling, role model. She admits to smooching girls for male titillation (“I Kissed A Girl”) and derides a lover for his, supposedly, unmanly ways (“Ur So Gay”). In her hit song “Hot n Cold”, Perry tells a boyfriend: “You PMS like a bitch / I should know,” expressing her contempt for him acting like a typical erratic, unreliable woman instead of the dominant forceful man he's supposed to be. Reading Perry’s interview in Seventeen Magazine was even more crushing. Entitled “Katy Perry: The Crazy Things She's Done For Love”, Perry details how she’ll cling to her phone for hours waiting for a message from the current object of her desire because, “sometimes a text is all you need.” So many girls look to boys to gain a sense of self-worth and validity. Nice way to liberate America's impressionable female adolescent population from the shackles of dependancy and doubt, Katy.

While superficially Swift and Perry come across as strong, autonomous women, they serve to reinforce the traditional idea of women as weak and submissive, and they slyly align themselves with that role. Despite the trappings, the concerns expressed in their lyrics are more Tammy Wynette than Ani DiFranco. Perry and Swift are marketing two distinct caricatures of femininity. Perry is the pin-up girl in leather pumps and a cleavage-bearing bustier, seductively poised for the entertainment of the male, heterosexual masses. Swift is the pious little lamb, obsessively pining over "cute" boys yet touting virginity as her number one virtue. Taylor Swift and Katy Perry aren’t telling us, or selling us, anything new. They're not empowering and they're certainly not original. Their music is as artificial and calculated as any other pop star.  Move along, people, just move along.

Review: Paramore - Brand New Eyes

Tennessee titans mix adolescent anger with grown-up candor.

“The next time you point a finger / I’ll point you to the mirror,” sings Hayley Williams in “Playing God”, an indignant attack on posers juxtaposed with painfully pretty guitar ripples. The pint-size, iron-lunged frontwoman is all about honesty. Cathartic single “Ignorance” addresses how distrust and tension, results of newfound fame, have negatively affected the band members’ age-old friendship. While the group is barely out of their teens, their third album swaps earnest admissions of love and overall naiveté for a sound that’s more abrasive and fervent—yet also more pensive and nuanced. Make no mistake, Paramore is still pop. But then again, whoever said that raw, truthful music couldn’t be super-catchy at the same time?

Grade: B+

Key Tracks: Playing God, Turn It Off, The Only Exception

New Weezer Single!

It's explosive! It's pop! It's Weezer! It rocks! "(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To" is about a doomed summer romance. But the song doesn't boast any undertones of grief or loss. The whole thing is pretty much in the key of "Whew! That was fun." An awkward first kiss with a cute goth chick at summer camp set to a bouncy, guitar-driven melody. And what's more, it takes place in July! The happiest month in the world! Summer lovin' is so gad dang great. And so is this song. Soak it up.

Grade: A-

Psssssst... Weezer's seventh disc, Raditude, drops November 3rd. Here's a-hoping it'll be better than last year's subpar Red Album.

Girl Crush.

I have a massive crush on Hayley Williams.

I started falling for Paramore's frontwoman when I first laid hands upon the group's 2007 disc, Riot! Her strong, persuasive singing won me over, but it was her in-your-face, fuck-you attitude that tore me to shreds. As if her pipes of steel (as well as her knack for writing awesomely angry yet hypercatchy tunes) wasn't enough, she's totes adorbs. That gap between her two front teeth? Makes my knees go weak. I had the pleasure of seeing Paramore live not once, but twice, and she's a firecracker. When she throws back her head, red flames lick the sky. While I was flipping through this month's issue of Rolling Stone, suppressing myself from gagging over the skankalicious photos Megan Fox, I stumbled upon an interview with Haylz. She covers a vast range of topics: from her band's tour with No Doubt to what it's like sharing a bus with smelly boys. She also spilled some deets about the new Paramore album, which comes out super soon. I'm psyched. And what's more, fellow fans/stalkers of Ms. Williams, she just released a solo song! "Teenagers", which she wrote for the soundtrack of the movie Jennifer's Body, has a rockin' stripped down, folksy vibe that's quite different than your typical Paramore fare. But it's deliciously angsty nonetheless and within seconds of listening to it, I had a big goofy grin plastered on my face. God I love her.

Check it out: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_GbeIO9iqo&feature=related