Juvenile rubbish from the 21st century's favorite boy band.
I used to respect the Jonas Brothers. 2008’s A Little Bit Longer brimmed with infectious power-pop. Longer was consistent in its big choruses and tight riffs. I lost the majority of my respect for the JoBros February ‘09, when a performance on Saturday Night Live managed to help expose them as the talentless dweebs they are. The three brothers had a full troupe of pros playing as their backing band. Nick and Kevin’s hands seemed to remain virtually stationary on the necks on their guitars. Singers Joe and Nick both have thin, nasal voices and their harmonies were uniformly out of tune. Yet even after the unlistenable stint on SNL, I still held onto this shard of respect. I have discarded that shard upon listening to Lines, Vines, And Trying Times. Whereas Longer purveyed enough tasteful fun to make it a deliciously uncool guilty pleasure, Lines is a rambling and lifeless mess. Everything about it is overdone, from the bombastic horns and Nick’s bizarre affected vocals on opener “World War III” to “Don’t Charge Me For the Crime”, a grossly misguided collaboration with rapper Common. There is not one interesting or otherwise redeeming element to suggest anyone should spend a cent on this worthless pile of vapid, slickly produced garbage.
Grade: D
Key Tracks: Paranoid, Poison Ivy
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